i always thought of a king sized bed as being a bit bigger than a queen, but now that i have one, i can tell you that a king sized bed is an absurdity. i can sprawl out, and my husband can sprawl out, and the cat can sprawl out, and none of us are touching. i reach out in the night, and find only pillows and plush walruses. i reach further and eventually find his elbow. he rolls over the comforters to try and find me. “i have crossed oceans of bed to be with you,” he says. there is a vast expanse of bed untouched, unmapped, unexplored. the cat is still trying to sleep on my face.
lots of folks saying “oh you should see the california king” but
in a california king we would actually be four inches closer
maybe they’re putting their california kings sideways
Consider though: the Alaska King.
i can’t believe i have to buy a new mattress AGAIN
the Alaskan and Wyoming King bed sizes are aptly named, as they are both very large but each contain about like two or three people
a jersey king is a broken futon with five drunk people sleeping over on it
If God never existed, then whose heavenly staircase did I march up, whose heavenly host did I best in battle, and whose severed head do I keep stowed in my basement?
I got so sick of the cheesy Christmas playlist at work so I snuck in a version of All I Want For Christmas Is You where half way through the vocals change to Welcome To The Black Parade
Watching the customers slow down and squint in confusion is giving me life.
This is the song
Tea what the fuck I’m howling oh my god
I love you guys omf
I AM LAUGHING SO FUCKING HARD THERE ARE TEARS IN MY EYES
OH
MY
FUCKING
G-D
LISTEN TO THIS BEAUTIFUL UNHOLY MESS
THIS IS GLORIOUS I DON’T KNOW WHY PEOPLE ARE FURIOUS
I can’t stop bopping
I’ve never heard “welcome to the black parade” so my brain insists on using the melody from “welcome to the cabaret” from Chicago.
BaconNarwhal3 